


All In My Head

by CommanderGay



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Internal Monologue, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9840560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderGay/pseuds/CommanderGay
Summary: this is something I just wrote in about 10 minutes. I know I can't be the only person that has these insecurities due to past relationships. I'm in love with this girl who is probably more in love with me that anyone else I've ever been with, and I'm scared I'm ruining our great relationship because I'm scare of losing her and I keep putting things in my own head that makes me paranoid for no reason. I can't be the only person that struggles with this, so I wrote this.





	

Why do I ruin everything? Why do my insecurities have to ruin everything that makes me happy? I just don’t understand why this always has to happen to me.  I’m happy! I am happy with Clarke! So why is my jealousy so bad? Because Niylah is a lesbian? Because Niylah is into Clarke? Because I’m the only girl Clarke has ever been with and there’s a tiny possibility that maybe one day she’ll find someone better than me? Because there are just so many people in this world that _are_ better than me?

Clarke is not like that. She’s not like my past girlfriends that I had a reason to be worried about. I can trust her. I _do_ trust her. But my insecurities are eating me alive and making it impossible to giver her 100% of my trust…

I love her.

 _God_ , I love this woman.

And she loves me.

I know this. I know she wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. But my insecurities are going to scare her away… I’m terrified of losing her, but _I_ will be the soul reason why I _do_ lose her. She says I’m not scaring her away, but how much longer are those promising and comforting words going to stay true? If I keep making it obvious that I don’t like her talking to Niylah, I’m going to push her away.

I’m not going to be _that_ girlfriend. That girlfriend that tells their significant other to stop talking to someone. I will never be that girlfriend. She’s made it very clear that she’s not interested in her; that she only sees _me_ , she only want _me_. It’s literally just my own mind that causes us problems.

How much longer will she be able to stand me? I need to stop. This is madness! I can’t lose her; especially not because of my stupidity.

So why it so hard? Why does my mind not relax? She won’t hurt me.

She won’t hurt me unless I keep hurting her.


End file.
